Did I make a deal with the Devil?

This title has been sat in my draft posts for months and lately, I have been thinking about it and constantly asking myself this question. I thought it was time I started to type this post.

I see my friends getting on with life, successful career, relationships and a settled down life, you know that dreaded routine some of us expats run from. Something that I am just NOT all over at this stage in my life, but I see it and think that maybe sometimes it would be nice to have everything in order. Everything planned out, and I over think it ALOT, then I think what the hell are you doing Louise? you have a life that some people would only dream of having because you were strong enough and determined to make it happen for yourself. The thing is I am in this situation, the situation where I get to travel and teach and expose myself to other cultures and have the time of my life like I said other people could only dream it but only until it’s your reality you don’t know what it is like. Amongst the ups and the amazing experiences there’s also the downs to this lifestyle that makes me think have I made the deal with the devil? The main down being the GOODBYES!

F**king hell, how can one simple word hurt that much?

Let me put it this way, I left home 2 years ago to start travelling and teaching, I decided to lead this life and I have lived and travelled in some amazing countries, but do you know what makes them experiences the best…the people and the relationships you form on the road. Some of the people I have met, I just know I will be friends with for life and hope to see them again in some paradise country and then there are some people that you meet and you can’t imagine what life was like before you meet them, I am lucky to have a handful of these people. You have all these great memories and then life gets in the way and you have to say goodbye because it’s the right thing to do at this moment in time. You think its just going to be like any other goodbyes that you say on the road, you consider yourself somewhat of an expert at it but really, in reality, that word is probably the suckiest word in the English language and that’s just me being plain honest.

I kick myself when I am in this situation and though a lot of time I blame myself, but I did choose this lifestyle and with it comes some hard times and sacrifices that will leave your heart broken. I feel like everything is so temperamental in my life, I’m unsure about everything and it’s beginning to make me feel unsettled and it’s a hard lesson and adjustment that comes along with travelling long term. The goodbyes never get easier but I am really trying to meditate the idea that goodbye isn’t goodbye it’s just ‘see ya later’. So yeah I can’t help but think I have made a slight deal with the devil? because this life isn’t all glistening white beaches, palm trees, adrenaline, coconuts the typically painted picture that is sometimes given to us on the internet these days. It can also leave you unsure and with a lot of ‘what ifs’.

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